After a brief affair
That never came to be
I simmer in the juices of solitude
Not knowing what to feel
Or what to think
I just miss you
What seed did you plant
In the middle of my heart
As I cannot understand anything
I’m irritable
Difficult to deal with
And my friends worry
They worry because I can’t explain
What it is I have
What it is I feel
To make it all “the better”
I know that you’re not happy
There where you are now
So I worry
So I feel sad
So I want to see you near
And caress your hair
And tell you it will be ok
Even if we’re the only ones who believe it
The only ones who understand it
The only ones who miss it
The only ones who lived it
18-julio-05
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Monday, July 18, 2005
The different fling with the different boy.
I’ve decided to tell yet another story, taking the risk once again of making a complete fool of myself publicly. Though I tell it cause I want to and I feel it necessary. This time it’s a story without “details”. It’s simply the story of the purest and most sincere feeling I’ve ever felt for anyone before.
First time I saw him he made no particular impression on me. A found him cute and I could say I thought him attractive; even so I wasn’t blown away. Silent and retracted he remained long hours in that classroom where we first saw one another. For a few days I tried to decipher whether he was shallow, rude or just plain shy. Then surprise decided to knock on my door. As the days passes he allowed me to come close and take a peek at what he was really like.
The fist thing I must clear out is that he is shy, not rude or anything like that. Now I can continue. Describing him would need different approaches; his olive skin and amazingly interesting prominent nose were probably the first things I noticed. On the other hand his eyes were telling a story. A story he didn’t like, but the story he had been living all his life. His smile would vary depending on the surrounding crowd, a polite open smile for the general audience and a sincere big smile that even made his eyes brighter for a more selected crowd. I can say to be lucky to have caused a few of the later ones.
As the days progressed I started to feel attached and finally hung up on him. But I couldn’t build up the courage to tell him. Maybe the innocence that comes from the lack of experience that made him seem fragile but at the same time pure of heart was making me overly delicate towards him. The only one thing I wouldn’t have forgiven me for was hurting him. So I would just sit back and let things take their own course without forcing any situations to happen.
Within very little time he became important to me, when he wasn’t around I felt alone. And the time we could spend together was not only remarkable but priceless. At times I felt like we were in a bubble, or wished we could have been. But as all great moments in life it was bound to come to an end. We both had to return to our normal everyday lives which implied a lot of distance between us, an I can only hope I can someday see him again.
Like I said this story has no “details” to be told. But one thing is for sure… The last night we were together he gave me a new sense of life and showed me that feelings can exist in a completely different level that I had ever felt before. For the first time in my life physical contact seemed irrelevant.
Now I sit in my room sad and lonely, I regain hope, knowing there are still worthwhile people in the world. At the same time I’m filled with a new view of feelings that makes me smile. And as I smile I remember his smile, and I smile again.
17 julio 2005
First time I saw him he made no particular impression on me. A found him cute and I could say I thought him attractive; even so I wasn’t blown away. Silent and retracted he remained long hours in that classroom where we first saw one another. For a few days I tried to decipher whether he was shallow, rude or just plain shy. Then surprise decided to knock on my door. As the days passes he allowed me to come close and take a peek at what he was really like.
The fist thing I must clear out is that he is shy, not rude or anything like that. Now I can continue. Describing him would need different approaches; his olive skin and amazingly interesting prominent nose were probably the first things I noticed. On the other hand his eyes were telling a story. A story he didn’t like, but the story he had been living all his life. His smile would vary depending on the surrounding crowd, a polite open smile for the general audience and a sincere big smile that even made his eyes brighter for a more selected crowd. I can say to be lucky to have caused a few of the later ones.
As the days progressed I started to feel attached and finally hung up on him. But I couldn’t build up the courage to tell him. Maybe the innocence that comes from the lack of experience that made him seem fragile but at the same time pure of heart was making me overly delicate towards him. The only one thing I wouldn’t have forgiven me for was hurting him. So I would just sit back and let things take their own course without forcing any situations to happen.
Within very little time he became important to me, when he wasn’t around I felt alone. And the time we could spend together was not only remarkable but priceless. At times I felt like we were in a bubble, or wished we could have been. But as all great moments in life it was bound to come to an end. We both had to return to our normal everyday lives which implied a lot of distance between us, an I can only hope I can someday see him again.
Like I said this story has no “details” to be told. But one thing is for sure… The last night we were together he gave me a new sense of life and showed me that feelings can exist in a completely different level that I had ever felt before. For the first time in my life physical contact seemed irrelevant.
Now I sit in my room sad and lonely, I regain hope, knowing there are still worthwhile people in the world. At the same time I’m filled with a new view of feelings that makes me smile. And as I smile I remember his smile, and I smile again.
17 julio 2005
I’ve been hit
hit hard, hit deep,
by the charm and innocence
of a beautiful boy.
I couldn’t believe
what my heart was feeling,
until last night
when he was gone.
As I sit here
alone in my room,
I wish he was here,
to hold him.
The olive skinned boy
with the innocent smile
and curious eyes
has hit me, deep and hard.
17 de Julio 2005
hit hard, hit deep,
by the charm and innocence
of a beautiful boy.
I couldn’t believe
what my heart was feeling,
until last night
when he was gone.
As I sit here
alone in my room,
I wish he was here,
to hold him.
The olive skinned boy
with the innocent smile
and curious eyes
has hit me, deep and hard.
17 de Julio 2005
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